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THEHUMAN DIARYThere is a word for what you felt.
Fear

n.A thing you have wanted to ask for years and have decided you never will.

The Human Diary editorial term

Thirty-One Years of Not Asking

You are eleven when you first almost ask.

You are in the back of the car and your father is driving and there is a woman's coat in the boot which is not your mother's, and you have known this for six days, and the question forms completely in your mouth at a set of traffic lights on the ring road.

The lights change. He puts the radio on. The moment closes, the way a lift door closes, and you are eleven and you let it.

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